But natural and biblical thinking often conflict. Not being your own is doubly so for those married. According to God, your spouse has access rights to your physical body.
Recently, I received a message from a wife who was desperately looking for some advice. She shared with me that her husband is a kind, loving, and wonderful man in every way EXCEPT he rarely, if ever, wants to have sex with her. In fact, they have gone months at a time without making love, and the absence of intimacy and connection in their marriage is breaking her heart and making her resent her husband.
My husband and I fight all of the time. I will "one-up" him to get my point across by discussing all of his faults. In turn, he will "hit me below the belt" to hurt me by pointing out my faults.
There is not enough plain talk in the world theses days. Here are some plain words, spoken in love, to all of you women out there. Too many women want to try and make this a complex issue and discuss it ad nauseam from every possible angle.
Withholding love or sex is psychological abuse and results from early trauma. Withholding is altogether different from not having sex or not reciprocating love. They might be traumatized.
Dear Neil: No matter how a man treats you in marriage, if you are a woman you are always expected to allow him access to your body. Even when he calls you insulting names, mocks your sexual history, graphically describes your sex life to other men, is verbally abusive or makes sex painful, bad or boring. Those men often wind up in sexless marriages, because their women do not feel respected, valued or treated well.
Withdrawing sex is often related to not wanting to feel controlled or dictated to. Paradoxically, the person who is sexually rejecting or closed is usually perceived by their mate as being very powerful and controlling. Being sexual with someone you love, care about and are committed to means that you are offering nurturance, TLC, affection and closeness.
Author Kathy Batesel writes about topics she has experienced, worked with, or researched thoroughly. Rejection hurts. Ask any guy and he'll tell you stories of rejections that cut him to the bone. When a lover withholds sex, it's a particular kind of rejection that can affect a person's self-esteem and thought processes.
Registered in Ireland: Withholding sex in a marriage is often an attempt to communicate anger or hurt, says Suzi Godson. You always hear about women not wanting sex in long-term relationships, but what if it is the other way round?